Man, I tell you, things are changing quick.

I wish I was five again- playing outside and riding the bus seemed like such a big deal. Going to Dollar Tree to pick out a toy with G-ma was my favorite thing to do, along with the twenty other things I claimed as my favorite. It just blows to realize that now all I have is myself. There’s no one to rely on, nobody will give a life for me. At least not anymore. Every time I feel there’s something wrong, I panic and go numb. You’re the only thing keeping me from being numb, you’re the only thing I let myself even remotely care about and I feel so god damned vulnerable. I just wish you saw, and I wish I didn’t push you away. I’m sorry. I’m just scared. And I’m really going to try. Just know that I love you. And know that I will never leave.

It’s weird to me that someone can go through so many emotions at one time, and how they can effect so many other things and so many other people around.

I haven’t posted anything on Tumblr in like ten years. I feel like I don’t share my feelings anymore. And I’m not all pathetic. Maybe I’ll start posting stuff again, maybe not.

what I don’t understand is how people think life is perfect. Its the farthest from it, and when you decide to rely on someone else to make you happy it’s gonna bite you in the ass sooner or later. I’m not saying you can’t rely on people to be happy, but you have to accept the fact that shit happens. And that means that you’re gonna get hurt. You’re gonna cry because of another person. You’re gonna do everything in your power to prevent it. Its still gonna happen. I’m sorry I can’t keep my promises. I’m sorry I can’t make everyone happy. I tried, I really tried. But when I finally realized that it wasn’t making me happy I had to change it. I’m living for myself now, completely and fully. And I’m gonna hurt people, but so is everyone else.